I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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