He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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