Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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