What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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