My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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