Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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