Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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