Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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