I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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