Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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