I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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