So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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