so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
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Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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