Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize