C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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