thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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