she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize