i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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