I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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