I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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