i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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