areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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