I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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