When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize