Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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