Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
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I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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