I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
as a side note pls kill me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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