it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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