I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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