From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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