You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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