Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I enjoy the company of your penis
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