and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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