so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
ok first of all what the fuck
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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