Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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