Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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