when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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