I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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