i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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