the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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