At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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