All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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