I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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