I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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