i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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