i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
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It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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