i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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