he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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