I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize