As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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